Turning 40 and other life transitions…

First, I want to give thanks to all of my 22 subscribers. Thank you for supporting me, it means so much! Have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving!

OK, let's get down to business. I need your help! Have you ever heard of the Life Event’s Scale?  It’s a scale that calculates the level of stress (distress) in your life. It gives a listing of various life events that can cause stress and after you check all of the boxes that apply to you, within 5 seconds you can learn where you fall on the life stressors scale. I recently decided to complete the scale as I have several upcoming events that I deem stressful. However, according to the Life Event's Scale, I should be managing just fine. My final score was under 150 which is deemed as "Low susceptibility to stress-related illness".

I was shocked! Mainly because my stress level has been in a heightened state lately. I mean, where's the check box for turning 40?  Last  time I checked it was considered a milestone birthday and can create existential crisis even in the most stable of persons. And while I'm asking, where's the box for moving to another state and moving in with your boyfriend and his three daughters after you've been single and living on your own for most of your 40, soon to be plus, years?!  Finally, where's the box for changing your job structure and working from home instead of going to the office that you've been working at for 4 years in a vibrant city with established work friends?

I need to come clean. I'm a Type A person who was raised by an ex captain in the marines and at times I find myself running my life like the military. I love order and making lists. In fact, I have lists of my lists. On top of it, if I don't cross everything off my list by a given time, I can easily be sent into a tailspin and move right into the high susceptibility to stress related illness category. Flexibility and deviation from my routine has never been my strong suit. Throw in a milestone birthday, a move, changing job structure, a boyfriend and three daughters and my self-induced military base has been going to hell in a handbasket (or however that saying goes..).

Please don't get me wrong, all of these upcoming changes are well worth it. I have found love and after 40 years of searching, moving to be with Mr. S is the only direction I want to be heading in. Yet for me when there is change, which often brings about stress and anxiety, I tend to turn to my old, familiar vice- SHOPPING. That’s right folks, I am jonesing for a good ole shopping spree right about now.

It hit me this past weekend when my boyfriend drove me through a strip mall that housed all my old time favorite stores (Nordrstrom Rack, DSW Shoes, etc.) that my fashion fast will be coming to an end (Jan 22nd) right around the time when I will be going through these major life transitions. My past behavior would send me right out to these stores rather than allow myself to sit with the feelings that change can stir in me- anxiety, fear, excitement, loss, etc. etc…It’s crossed my mind that maybe I should extend my fashion fast for a few more months. A sort of self-imposed- YOU MUST FEEL THE FEELINGS DURING THIS CHANGE clause! OR, do I dare, allow myself to come off this fast on said date and see if I can ease back into the real world of shopping by trying to be calm, balanced and non extreme in my behavior? By allowing myself to experience the stress or any other feeling that arises in my life and figure out a way to sit with it versus drive to the nearest clothes store?

I’m truly on the fence about what to do. I still have time and will continue to mull this over. In the meantime, I would though love to hear from you. Let me know what you think I should do and also feel free to share where you fall on the stress scale!

One Day at a Time.

Miss F.

I think I can, I think I can….

I was going through an over stuffed box of receipts last night and couldn’t help but  take in the bundle of receipts from the various shopping excursions I had been on before this fashion fast began. The receipts were remnants of a time when I hopped from store to store in search of the perfect “something”. There was no denying my shopping habit when I sifted through that box last night. There it was staring me right in the face. From the Ann Taylor Loft receipt documenting the “must have” cream colored ruffled blouse for $17.99 to the Kate Spade camel colored patent leather pumps for $299.00… it was just one thin paper receipt after another tracking small, medium and large purchases over the years. As I was sifting through the box, I found myself hoping that the next receipt would show something meaningful and evoke a positive feeling or a sweet memory. However, the deeper I dug, the emptier I felt. It gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. And then the thought occured to me, "what if I never went on this fashion fast?" What if my run-away fashion train that logged hundreds of miles in far off lands like Bloomingdales, JCrew, Anthropologie, Off-5th, Century 21 and more never stopped to take inventory on myself or my closet? What if it never ran out of steam?

Each day there has been some kind of reminder of my past behavior and the time I spent focusing on shopping. Last night it was the box of receipts, this morning it was the Coach ballet shoes that are half a size too small that I never should have purchased and tomorrow, well tomorrow I'm hoping the reminders eventually end. I'm thinking that the train I transferred over to, A.K.A the Fashion Fast Train, is heading in a healthier direction. I believe that the remnants of my previous shopping behavior will eventually start to decrease. Don't get me wrong, they have been nice wake-up calls and constant reminders that I'm doing the right thing by taking a break.

While I know this fashion fast train is slowing down and coming to an end on January 22nd, I do believe it has been heading in the right direction....I know I can, I know I can!

Miss F.

Finding My Place in the World

First, I want to thank my siblings for the tip on how to stop catalog mailings. There is a website called catalogchoice.org  that is a non-profit site where you can remove yourself from all the lists. Since my last posting, I've gotten off a lot of mailing lists!

Lately, I've been feeling a little out of sorts.  Kind of wondering what my place in the world will be once this fast comes to an end. I’m entering into my fourth month of not shopping (pause for applause..) and it's been a lot easier than I ever imagined. Due to my self-induced shopping fast, my mind has been less and less occupied with thoughts of shopping and buying new clothes. Part of it is I’m pretty busy- traveling between Boston (where my love lives with his three daughters) and New Jersey/ New York (where I live/ work) and there is barely time for me to think about shopping.

Where did I find the time to shop prior to this fast? And I’m not talking about a quick jaunt into a store to pick up an item and quickly dart out. My shopping sprees sometimes lasted for upwards of 3-4 hours. Don’t get me wrong, it was time well spent even if I walked out of the store with barely one item. To many people this may seem like a complete waste of time. Not for me! I weeded through racks and racks of clothes, made multiple trips to the dressing room and narrowed down the items to exactly what I needed and could afford. Each item adding something special to my wardrobe. I pride myself on being a very thoughtful shopper and always staying within my spending plan. I have a monthly cash allotment for clothes. It's also worth noting that since keeping a spending plan I have never gone over my monthly clothes budget. In fact, I haven’t owned a credit card in over 2 years.

After reading an article in Time Magazine entitled, "The Real Problem with Credit Cards: The Cardholders", I realized credit cards were leading me to a bad place. The basic premise is that we spend more when we use credit cards versus when we use cash. The article states that "once we've got our card in hand, our behavior becomes riddled with irrationalities. In one experiment, Drazen Prelec and Duncan Simester of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology found that people were willing to pay twice as much for basketball tickets when they were using a credit card as opposed to paying cash. Credit-card spending just doesn't feel like real money." So for me it's all cash on the barrel head, or however that saying goes…

Why am I feeling out of sorts then when this all seems rather well thought out and contained? You see, at this juncture in my fast I would like to figure out a way to enjoy shopping and yes occasionally wile away the hours in a store sifting through the racks, without it switching into obsessive mode. Pre-fast, I always straddled a fine line between obsessive mode shopping and healthy shopping (if there is such a thing!).  I know many of you have been witness to it. In fact, my good friend/ colleague Miss A has recently reminded me of a time, pre-fast, when I found a navy blue, three quartered sleeve cropped blazer online that was completely sold out of my size. Rather than let it go and move on from wanting it I quickly dragged Miss A in the middle of the work day to the nearest store to find my size and indeed they had it. Eureka! I was overjoyed and felt a sigh of relief. I told Miss A that that would be the last fashion obsession I would engage in for at least a month. She looked at me with a knowing smirk that said, Miss F, you’re only fooling yourself.

In some ways it must be like someone who has struggled with giving up an addiction. Whether it's an alcohol, drug, gambling or food addiction, forever the temptation will be there, it’s just a matter of keeping it in check. Some people may use avoidance from the tempation as a way to stay "sober". For me though, staying away from stores is not a reasonable way to live my life. I want to find a way post-fast to be able to continue to enjoy fashion, the art of it all and the creative process of dressing oneself as well as exploring the array of items that are out there, in a nice, balanced manner.  I have two more months to figure this out. I will will continue to use this time to explore ways that I will be able to live healthfully in a world- post fast. Bottoms up! Just kidding :)

One Day at a Time,
Miss F.

The Power to Unsubscribe

I pulled the trigger and unsubscribed from all email lists related to clothes and fashion. Initially it was hard, but I had to do it. What a relief! My inbox is no longer filled with announcements about Jenna's latest picks from J Crew, the one day sale from the Gap or 25% off  for "only 2 days" from Banana Republic. Nope, no longer do I receive updates from Piperlime, Zappos or reports from Daily Candy, Gilt Group or RueLaLa about the latest sample sale. I've officially removed myself from any connection to the online shopping world. While I do feel a little out of the loop I also feel a calmness and peace whenever I log into my email account. No longer am I convincing myself that If I click on the link, I will only "look" and not buy. As what inevitably happens is a seed is planted when I glimpse at the array of beautiful pieces that Jenna has picked and then before I know it, I'm putting items in my shopping cart. Why? Because it's on sale, or looks good on the model, or if I just get this one last top, skirt, dress, necklace, insert item, it will round out my wardrobe. Who am I kidding? It never ends there. For when I open my email the next day, next week, or next month there will be another email tempting me to take a peek and check out what's "latest".

Next on my list, which won't be as easy but is a necessary feat, is to stop the catalogue madness that chokes my mailbox. Whether it's a catalogue from West Elm or Bloomingdales, it all evokes the same feelings- curiosity and temptation!  I'm at a place right now where I immediately walk the new catalogues from my mailbox directly into the recycling bin without flipping through them. I don't have the restraint to just look as it sets my wheels in motion and before I know it I'm planning my next purchase or adding something to my list of what I need. Don't get me wrong, I still save the coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond. In fact, I have a stack of them waiting to be used. Did you know, that even when they expire, the store will still honor them? Just a little tip for you from a recovering shopping addict. Yes, I've been known to bring 10 coupons into BBB and get a nice discount off my purchases. Although, I am trying to tame all types of shopping as my fashion fast can easily be redirected to other types of purchases. For example, the food store. I realized that I overspent on groceries last month. The hard facts stared back at me when I reviewed my budget from the previous month. In evaluating my spending habits I am realizing that I need to keep myself in check in all types of stores.

I'm not the only one! My boss shared with me recently on a work road trip that he has a "gadget and toy" spending addiction. He said that he can't walk into a Best Buy, boat store or hardware store without overspending. I guess we all struggle with something, both men and women alike. It's just a matter of being aware of what might be spurring it on. For some, it's immediate gratification and for others it is a distraction from what we are feeling.

Whatever the case may be, I'm finding new ways to live in a world of constant temptation. And for me that means continuing to unsubscribe...one magazine at a time..

Miss F.