How do you show love?

Thank you everyone for your emails and posts on whether I should continue with my fashion fast. Half of you think I should stay on the fast for a few more months and the other half say the hell with it, go out and shop! I’ve still got some time, so I’ll keep you posted on what I decide to do when the fast hits the 6 month mark on January 22nd.

It’s not easy though as this time of year has historically been a struggle for me. The holiday season usually served as a good justification to go overboard on shopping. I used it as an excuse to ramp up on my own personal shopping under the guise of “holiday shopping” for others. For years I had my “holiday shopping” technique down to a science. It went something like this- as soon as December 1st arrived I drafted a detailed list of the gifts I planned on buying for loved ones and co-workers. I promised myself that I would stick to the list, check it twice and even though I had been nice, this was not a time for me to be shopping for myself. However, as far back as my college days I always wound up overspending on “holiday gifts” for myself.

The moment I entered a store my heart would start to race and like Pavlov’s dog I’d begin to sweat and in some instances I’d even notice a heightened amount of saliva gathering in my mouth. Okay, too much information. However, within minutes my carefully crafted gift list was stuffed away in my purse and I would be in full Miss F. manic shopping mode for none other than yours truly.

Not this year folks! Not during Miss F.’s self-imposed fashion fast. This year Miss F. is in unchartered territory and happy to report she’s handling it like a pro. I’ve created a list and I have been sticking to it damn it!

In fact, I tested the waters this past Friday with my shopping partner in crime Miss S. We logged in over 3 hours of holiday shopping and not only did I not buy anything for myself, I wasn’t even tempted! I think in large part because I didn’t allow myself to even look, gaze or feel a piece of women’s clothing. I was focused and committed to being as productive and focused as possible. I commented to Miss S. at the end of the night that I was surprised at how much I got accomplished when I wasn’t factoring myself into the “gift buying” equation. In the past I normally would feel guilty, depleted and broke after my “one for you, two for me” holiday shopping spree. Not this time! Of special note, not an ounce of drool built up in my jowls during the whole experience.

I still find that I struggle in some ways though with the desire to over give. I’m not sure if it’s part of my shopping addiction or in some ways how I define love. I remember once when I was 8 years old on Christmas morning counting the number of gifts my siblings got compared to myself. I started to cry when I figured out that I got 2 less gifts than my sister. It goes without saying that this did not go over well with my father and it was pointed out that I was being ungrateful. I don’t disagree. I was so focused on the number of gifts, and who got what, that I totally lost the meaning of Christmas and that love is not defined through gifts. Something about this memory still stays with me.

There is a book called “The Five Love Languages” which talks about the 5 different ways we all give and receive love. It’s based on the fact that what we observed in our families of origin directly correlates with how we define love. And guess what; receiving gifts is one of the 5 love languages!

I recently went to the Love Languages web site and took the assessment test to find out what my primary love language is, convinced that it would be receiving gifts. The book states that of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

My test results shockingly revealed that Receiving Gifts ranked lowest and Words of Affirmation ranked the highest with Quality Time and Physical Touch ranking a close second. So this blows my theory about why I like to “over give” to show my love to others. I’m aware of this aspect of myself, even if it doesn’t rank high on the Love Languages scale. I do show my love to others through gifts. Gifts are short lived though and Quality Time, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation rank higher in the grand scheme. I need to remind myself of that when I’m back out there shopping. I don’t need to overdo it in the gift department whether it is for me or for others. That’s not what love and friendship is about. Here’s to love!

Happy Holidays!

Miss F.

Turning 40 and other life transitions…

First, I want to give thanks to all of my 22 subscribers. Thank you for supporting me, it means so much! Have a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving!

OK, let's get down to business. I need your help! Have you ever heard of the Life Event’s Scale?  It’s a scale that calculates the level of stress (distress) in your life. It gives a listing of various life events that can cause stress and after you check all of the boxes that apply to you, within 5 seconds you can learn where you fall on the life stressors scale. I recently decided to complete the scale as I have several upcoming events that I deem stressful. However, according to the Life Event's Scale, I should be managing just fine. My final score was under 150 which is deemed as "Low susceptibility to stress-related illness".

I was shocked! Mainly because my stress level has been in a heightened state lately. I mean, where's the check box for turning 40?  Last  time I checked it was considered a milestone birthday and can create existential crisis even in the most stable of persons. And while I'm asking, where's the box for moving to another state and moving in with your boyfriend and his three daughters after you've been single and living on your own for most of your 40, soon to be plus, years?!  Finally, where's the box for changing your job structure and working from home instead of going to the office that you've been working at for 4 years in a vibrant city with established work friends?

I need to come clean. I'm a Type A person who was raised by an ex captain in the marines and at times I find myself running my life like the military. I love order and making lists. In fact, I have lists of my lists. On top of it, if I don't cross everything off my list by a given time, I can easily be sent into a tailspin and move right into the high susceptibility to stress related illness category. Flexibility and deviation from my routine has never been my strong suit. Throw in a milestone birthday, a move, changing job structure, a boyfriend and three daughters and my self-induced military base has been going to hell in a handbasket (or however that saying goes..).

Please don't get me wrong, all of these upcoming changes are well worth it. I have found love and after 40 years of searching, moving to be with Mr. S is the only direction I want to be heading in. Yet for me when there is change, which often brings about stress and anxiety, I tend to turn to my old, familiar vice- SHOPPING. That’s right folks, I am jonesing for a good ole shopping spree right about now.

It hit me this past weekend when my boyfriend drove me through a strip mall that housed all my old time favorite stores (Nordrstrom Rack, DSW Shoes, etc.) that my fashion fast will be coming to an end (Jan 22nd) right around the time when I will be going through these major life transitions. My past behavior would send me right out to these stores rather than allow myself to sit with the feelings that change can stir in me- anxiety, fear, excitement, loss, etc. etc…It’s crossed my mind that maybe I should extend my fashion fast for a few more months. A sort of self-imposed- YOU MUST FEEL THE FEELINGS DURING THIS CHANGE clause! OR, do I dare, allow myself to come off this fast on said date and see if I can ease back into the real world of shopping by trying to be calm, balanced and non extreme in my behavior? By allowing myself to experience the stress or any other feeling that arises in my life and figure out a way to sit with it versus drive to the nearest clothes store?

I’m truly on the fence about what to do. I still have time and will continue to mull this over. In the meantime, I would though love to hear from you. Let me know what you think I should do and also feel free to share where you fall on the stress scale!

One Day at a Time.

Miss F.

I think I can, I think I can….

I was going through an over stuffed box of receipts last night and couldn’t help but  take in the bundle of receipts from the various shopping excursions I had been on before this fashion fast began. The receipts were remnants of a time when I hopped from store to store in search of the perfect “something”. There was no denying my shopping habit when I sifted through that box last night. There it was staring me right in the face. From the Ann Taylor Loft receipt documenting the “must have” cream colored ruffled blouse for $17.99 to the Kate Spade camel colored patent leather pumps for $299.00… it was just one thin paper receipt after another tracking small, medium and large purchases over the years. As I was sifting through the box, I found myself hoping that the next receipt would show something meaningful and evoke a positive feeling or a sweet memory. However, the deeper I dug, the emptier I felt. It gave me a sinking feeling in my stomach. And then the thought occured to me, "what if I never went on this fashion fast?" What if my run-away fashion train that logged hundreds of miles in far off lands like Bloomingdales, JCrew, Anthropologie, Off-5th, Century 21 and more never stopped to take inventory on myself or my closet? What if it never ran out of steam?

Each day there has been some kind of reminder of my past behavior and the time I spent focusing on shopping. Last night it was the box of receipts, this morning it was the Coach ballet shoes that are half a size too small that I never should have purchased and tomorrow, well tomorrow I'm hoping the reminders eventually end. I'm thinking that the train I transferred over to, A.K.A the Fashion Fast Train, is heading in a healthier direction. I believe that the remnants of my previous shopping behavior will eventually start to decrease. Don't get me wrong, they have been nice wake-up calls and constant reminders that I'm doing the right thing by taking a break.

While I know this fashion fast train is slowing down and coming to an end on January 22nd, I do believe it has been heading in the right direction....I know I can, I know I can!

Miss F.

Finding My Place in the World

First, I want to thank my siblings for the tip on how to stop catalog mailings. There is a website called catalogchoice.org  that is a non-profit site where you can remove yourself from all the lists. Since my last posting, I've gotten off a lot of mailing lists!

Lately, I've been feeling a little out of sorts.  Kind of wondering what my place in the world will be once this fast comes to an end. I’m entering into my fourth month of not shopping (pause for applause..) and it's been a lot easier than I ever imagined. Due to my self-induced shopping fast, my mind has been less and less occupied with thoughts of shopping and buying new clothes. Part of it is I’m pretty busy- traveling between Boston (where my love lives with his three daughters) and New Jersey/ New York (where I live/ work) and there is barely time for me to think about shopping.

Where did I find the time to shop prior to this fast? And I’m not talking about a quick jaunt into a store to pick up an item and quickly dart out. My shopping sprees sometimes lasted for upwards of 3-4 hours. Don’t get me wrong, it was time well spent even if I walked out of the store with barely one item. To many people this may seem like a complete waste of time. Not for me! I weeded through racks and racks of clothes, made multiple trips to the dressing room and narrowed down the items to exactly what I needed and could afford. Each item adding something special to my wardrobe. I pride myself on being a very thoughtful shopper and always staying within my spending plan. I have a monthly cash allotment for clothes. It's also worth noting that since keeping a spending plan I have never gone over my monthly clothes budget. In fact, I haven’t owned a credit card in over 2 years.

After reading an article in Time Magazine entitled, "The Real Problem with Credit Cards: The Cardholders", I realized credit cards were leading me to a bad place. The basic premise is that we spend more when we use credit cards versus when we use cash. The article states that "once we've got our card in hand, our behavior becomes riddled with irrationalities. In one experiment, Drazen Prelec and Duncan Simester of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology found that people were willing to pay twice as much for basketball tickets when they were using a credit card as opposed to paying cash. Credit-card spending just doesn't feel like real money." So for me it's all cash on the barrel head, or however that saying goes…

Why am I feeling out of sorts then when this all seems rather well thought out and contained? You see, at this juncture in my fast I would like to figure out a way to enjoy shopping and yes occasionally wile away the hours in a store sifting through the racks, without it switching into obsessive mode. Pre-fast, I always straddled a fine line between obsessive mode shopping and healthy shopping (if there is such a thing!).  I know many of you have been witness to it. In fact, my good friend/ colleague Miss A has recently reminded me of a time, pre-fast, when I found a navy blue, three quartered sleeve cropped blazer online that was completely sold out of my size. Rather than let it go and move on from wanting it I quickly dragged Miss A in the middle of the work day to the nearest store to find my size and indeed they had it. Eureka! I was overjoyed and felt a sigh of relief. I told Miss A that that would be the last fashion obsession I would engage in for at least a month. She looked at me with a knowing smirk that said, Miss F, you’re only fooling yourself.

In some ways it must be like someone who has struggled with giving up an addiction. Whether it's an alcohol, drug, gambling or food addiction, forever the temptation will be there, it’s just a matter of keeping it in check. Some people may use avoidance from the tempation as a way to stay "sober". For me though, staying away from stores is not a reasonable way to live my life. I want to find a way post-fast to be able to continue to enjoy fashion, the art of it all and the creative process of dressing oneself as well as exploring the array of items that are out there, in a nice, balanced manner.  I have two more months to figure this out. I will will continue to use this time to explore ways that I will be able to live healthfully in a world- post fast. Bottoms up! Just kidding :)

One Day at a Time,
Miss F.

The Power to Unsubscribe

I pulled the trigger and unsubscribed from all email lists related to clothes and fashion. Initially it was hard, but I had to do it. What a relief! My inbox is no longer filled with announcements about Jenna's latest picks from J Crew, the one day sale from the Gap or 25% off  for "only 2 days" from Banana Republic. Nope, no longer do I receive updates from Piperlime, Zappos or reports from Daily Candy, Gilt Group or RueLaLa about the latest sample sale. I've officially removed myself from any connection to the online shopping world. While I do feel a little out of the loop I also feel a calmness and peace whenever I log into my email account. No longer am I convincing myself that If I click on the link, I will only "look" and not buy. As what inevitably happens is a seed is planted when I glimpse at the array of beautiful pieces that Jenna has picked and then before I know it, I'm putting items in my shopping cart. Why? Because it's on sale, or looks good on the model, or if I just get this one last top, skirt, dress, necklace, insert item, it will round out my wardrobe. Who am I kidding? It never ends there. For when I open my email the next day, next week, or next month there will be another email tempting me to take a peek and check out what's "latest".

Next on my list, which won't be as easy but is a necessary feat, is to stop the catalogue madness that chokes my mailbox. Whether it's a catalogue from West Elm or Bloomingdales, it all evokes the same feelings- curiosity and temptation!  I'm at a place right now where I immediately walk the new catalogues from my mailbox directly into the recycling bin without flipping through them. I don't have the restraint to just look as it sets my wheels in motion and before I know it I'm planning my next purchase or adding something to my list of what I need. Don't get me wrong, I still save the coupons from Bed, Bath and Beyond. In fact, I have a stack of them waiting to be used. Did you know, that even when they expire, the store will still honor them? Just a little tip for you from a recovering shopping addict. Yes, I've been known to bring 10 coupons into BBB and get a nice discount off my purchases. Although, I am trying to tame all types of shopping as my fashion fast can easily be redirected to other types of purchases. For example, the food store. I realized that I overspent on groceries last month. The hard facts stared back at me when I reviewed my budget from the previous month. In evaluating my spending habits I am realizing that I need to keep myself in check in all types of stores.

I'm not the only one! My boss shared with me recently on a work road trip that he has a "gadget and toy" spending addiction. He said that he can't walk into a Best Buy, boat store or hardware store without overspending. I guess we all struggle with something, both men and women alike. It's just a matter of being aware of what might be spurring it on. For some, it's immediate gratification and for others it is a distraction from what we are feeling.

Whatever the case may be, I'm finding new ways to live in a world of constant temptation. And for me that means continuing to unsubscribe...one magazine at a time..

Miss F.

Less is More

I've done something that I've never done before. I went back into my closet and drawers and did another purge this past weekend. If you recall, I did this already a few weeks ago. What prompted this you might ask? Well, I was standing in my closet, looking for something to wear, and as I was weeding through my clothes I kept skipping over tops and pants that brought me no joy and were outdated, stained and/or faded. Yes, I did mention in a previous blog that I have a couple rules that I "like to" abide by when purging my closet and that is to get rid of all items that are marred in some way. You have to understand, this is a process for me and I wasn't ready to get rid of everything knowing that I couldn't replenish. Well, today I got fed up. I'd rather have less clothes of good quality than more clothes that don't bring any oomph or make a solid contribution in some way. So, I went back in and pulled from the racks another large bag of clothes and shoes for Good Will.

It feels good and yet a little daunting as I have less to work with. Its prompting me to be a bit more creative and take a closer look at what I have. For instance, there were two blazers that almost didn't make the cut. The brown, pin striped lighter weight one was too long and the green velvet JCrew knock-off was too boxy. So instead of giving them away, I brought them to the tailor and in one week, they will be updated and ready to wear! In the past, I would have given them away and run out to buy replacements. So unecessary.

Taking inventory has also prompted me to start thinking about what I would like to buy post fast. I admire the French who focus less on quantity and more on quality. The French have been the pioneers of chic fashion for hundreds of years. From Chanel to Givenchy, they all share the same vision:

Smart, timeless, sophisticated yet feminine style!

For inspirtation I also often go to the blog-The Sartorialist  as it is updated daily with real-life photos of people looking amazingly dressed on the streets of New York, Milan, Paris, etc. Check it out if you need to stir your creative fashion juices.

As for me, I will continue the process of enjoying what I have and thinking about where this will all take me post-fast. Right now, I'm liking the creative process and I'm learning that less is truly more!

From the Sartorialist blog

You gotta love Milan!

One day at a time!
Miss F.

Month Three: An outsider looking in

Finding my place in a world of shoppers evokes a whole new feeling for me. It’s foreign and yet feels peaceful at the same time. I’m surprised at how much I've been enjoying it. It has been three months since I started my fashion fast and I’m feeling a sense of consistent balance in my life. I wonder what life will be like when it’s all over? I’m hoping I’m not one of those people who needs to live in extremes in order to feel alive. Meaning, either never shopping or always shopping. I really would like to work toward being able to enter a store without the high and excitement that shopping can evoke in me sometimes. In watching others participate in the shopping world, I'm observing that I'm not the only one who it provides a varied set of excited emotions.

I spent this past weekend in Miami with 12 other women for a bachelorette party for a close friend. I loved listening to the conversations around me about what outfits people were going to where, who brought what and who needed to run out and quickly buy shoes as they didn’t have the right ones with them. One friend even shared that she ran to the mall the night before the trip in order to find something new to pack for the weekend. She said she was trying on a top in the dressing room when the lights went out because the store was closing. I smiled as she told me this story, as back in the day, that would have been me.

I felt a renewed sense of peace and stability sitting amongst my beautiful lady friends and listening to their shopping stories. My favorite was the one told by Miss S about the fur vest that cost close to a thousand dollars that she recently purchased. She said it was the last one in the store and due to the big fuss that the sales people made about how great she looked in it, she decided that she couldn't pass it up. She shared that she was struggling with a bit of buyers remorse because it was a final sale and she couldn't return it. When I asked her why she decided to buy it, she stated that it made her feel good. Don’t get me wrong, I know exactly what she is talking about and can relate wholeheartedly. I am enjoying though, the lack of heightened emotions and frenzy that shopping can stir even in the calmest of people. I'm also finding ways to feel good just by observing. I'm also keenly aware that "I too" have been on the other side and can easily fall back to that place of frenzied shopping.

What surprised me most this weekend were the comments I received from my friends. Many of them were aware that I am on a fashion fast and were surprised that I was able to pull off my weekend outfits with clothes they had never seen before. "Had I shopped?" No, I told them, I just made due with what I had…and I realize, I have enough! You see, that is what this fast is teaching me. I don’t need to run out to the store for every special event that comes my way. I just need to look inside, that is, inside my closet. I may be an outsider looking in at my friends and the people around me who are “healthfully” shopping, but I don’t need to be an outsider to my very own closet!

I'm navigating new territory, just like Christopher Columbus

Christopher Columbus-Explorer

I was having a down day today. Just one of those days where I was feeling heavy, things were weighing on me and I didn't feel motivated to do very much. My boyfriend left to drive back to Boston and although he tried to get me out of my funk, I needed to just sit with it and shake it on my own. I decided to look at my ongoing list of things to do. Yes, I'm a list keeper. I love my list. I loved crossing things off my list. So, in order to take advantage of my day off from work (thanks to Chris Columbus), I took out my list and picked out something that didn't require a lot of brain power. Clean your closet. Translation- purge my clothes. I have a couple rules I try to stick by when doing my seasonal closet purge.

My 2 basic rules are:
-Get rid of any item that has pilling, is stained or stretched, faded or has a pull or hole in it.
-Get rid of any item I haven't worn in 2 years or more.

With those rules in mind, I sifted through my closet and also my drawers and filled a plastic garbage bag of items for the Salvation Army. It felt good. It felt refreshing. It also felt like new territory for me. You see, normally after purging items from my closet I am then inclined to go and shop and fill my closet with more items to make up for the gaps. I didn't though. Instead I drove straight to the clothes dumpster, dropped my bag off and then ran a few errands.

A few hours later, while out buying groceries, I walked into Off Fifth (the Saks Fifth Ave factory outlet type store) with the intention of buying some bras and panties. These my dear friends are the only items that are permissible on my fashion fast. As I walked through the store I was bombarded by signs reading "Take an additional 50% off the lowest priced item". A gray cashmere capped sleeved sweater literally screamed- "Miss F. I was made just for you!".  I felt my heart start to race and I quickly turned around, walked right out of the store and decided that I could make do with what I had.

Who was I fooling? My project of cleaning out my closet served as a temporary distraction from my feelings. And while it feels good to be venturing into new territory, it also feels very unfamiliar. I didn't need to fill the gaps in my closet nor did I need to fill the gaps in my emotions. What I needed to do was just be aware of how I was feeling (starting to sound repetitive, I know, but there's a lot of truth here folks) and not run, hide or buy my way toward a temporary fix.

One day at a time...

Miss F.

Fall Saturdays- finding new ways to spend my time

The changing of the leaves, the hint of crisp air and the display of pumpkins and mums on people's doorsteps symbolizes that fall is officially here. For me, the changing of the seasons always brings about a stir of emotions and heightened excitement. It's the time of year when I take inventory of my wardrobe and make a list of the new items that I "need" for the new fashion "season". For those who know me, especially my two lovely co-workers (Miss A and Miss S) who are equally as fashion obsessed, but won't admit it, it's the changing of the seasons that really sets my fashion addictive behavior into borderline obsessive mode.

This time last year I received boat loads of deliveries to work from Zappos and Piperlime. It doesn't help that these two online shoe stores offer free shipping and free returns. My office became a mini shoe department where I closed my door and clandestinely modeled boot after boot for Miss A and Miss S who not only enabled this behavior but equally joined in for their own shoe modeling sessions in their offices. I won't lie, it was fun and added an element of excitement to our work day. However, it didn't stop at shoes. I had handbags delivered as well. And when I wasn't online shopping, I was dedicating many fall Saturdays to countless hours in the stores.

So today when I finished with my yoga class and felt the warm, sunny breeze on my body, my first inclination was to go shop. Also, I happen to be solo today. I'm staying at my boyfriend's house this weekend and while we are without the kids Mr. B is occupied with a work project. Thus, being alone plus in a new city plus Saturday with a lot of time on my hands usually equals SHOPPING! Well, not today and not for the next 4 months people! Miss F is going to feel the feelings and let them wash over her. Today, I plan on enjoying this unseasonably warm fall day and taking the opportunity to just enjoy it and be in the moment, sans shopping!...enjoy your day and call me if you're bored! :)

One day at a time,
Miss F

Week 8: HALT!

I haven't stepped foot into a mall since the start of my fashion fast. That is until last night when I had to pick up a gift for a friend's wedding shower and also felt strong enough to enter into the cosmetic area of Bloomingdales to replenish some of my makeup. I did okay spending wise. I stayed true to my fashion fast and didn't cave. I did feel a slight wave of excitement  and anxiety come over me when standing at the MAC counter and started to scan items that I really didn't need, but had the urge to buy.

You see, I've never been one to overindulge in lotions, potions and makeup. Not like my dear friend Miss S who is constantly on the hunt for the newest youth serum and anti-aging face cream that she could finance a small village with the amount that she spends yearly on products. In fact, my shower has one shampoo, one conditioner, a bar of soap and a razor. That's it.  Nope, I've never gotten the shopping bug for beauty products. Yet, last night, as I entered into the cosmetic department, knowing full well these products were full game, I started to go down a path that felt very similar to my fashion addiction.

I then remembered an acronym that was told to me by a wise friend I met during a Shoppers Anonymous group. She said that one should never engage in potentially addictive behavior when they are HUNGRY, ANGRY, LONELY or TIRED - hence the word HALT! Last night I was not only very hungry but also was feeling kind of distracted and bothered by a heavy conversation I just had with someone (which eventually got resolved, but not in the moment I was standing at the  cosmetic counters). That word saved me and also allowed me to connect to the deeper emotions that can often drive my need to shop.  I'm learning that trying to fill the sadness, anger, loneliness, (insert emotion) with a posession is always a short fix. And eventually, I wind up feeling more empty.

OK, so even with this infite wisdom that I have attained through my fashion fast I still know that the art of fashion is something that I love and appreciate. I think though, what I'm getting at, is that I'm finding a way to appreciate fashion and eventually shop in a way that's done in moderation and with attunement to my emotions. I like where I'm at right now...

One day at a time.

Miss F.

I have nothing to wear...

Is it me, or do we all have moments where we find ourselves standing in our closets, overstuffed with clothes, accessories, pashminas, shoes, jewelry, etc and feel like we have nothing to wear? It comes in spurts for me and lately I've been feeling pretty good about my wares. Until this morning, when I stood in my closet wrapped in a towel rushing to get ready for work. I was frozen and was lacking inspiration and the creativity that was needed to assemble an outfit for work. Typically, I enjoy taking the time to mix and match pieces and create a new look. However this morning, I felt like everything staring back at me was dull, boring and lifeless. It is times like these when I start to plan my next shopping spree or online search to help inject some funk and life into my wardrobe again.

Instead, due to this God-forsaken fashion fast, I can only spend time (and no money) in one place- my closet. Sometimes if I'm having a momentary lapse in creativity, I will open the nearest fashion magazine to get inspired and this will usually jump start my creative juices. Yet today I felt annoyed. I took my annoyance to a new level and gave up. I put on a  light blue serious looking Brooks Brothers button up shirt, brown pants and  flats. I decided, in that brief moment, that putting together a unique outfit wasn't a priority and really, who cares! I proceeded to grab my bags and then when I was about to leave my house,  I turned around, ran into my closet and threw on a snakeskin belt! Who was I kidding? I do care!

You see, with just a little effort, and sometimes hitting a fashion wall, I am finding that I CAN make do. I mean, what other option do I have? I'm no quitter!

One day at a time.

Miss F.

Sally's rules and Miss F's lessons learned..

The woman who founded the Great American Apparel Diet, Sally Bjornsen, which I referenced in my very first blog posting, is coming to the home stretch of her own year-long fashion fast. Yes, I said, YEAR-LONG! That is one strong woman! Now, Sally learned enough from her year-long experiment to establish eight essential shopping rules—steps, considerations, and minimum requirements that will help ward off wasteful spending.

Here are Sally's rules:


1. Don’t ever buy something because it’s on sale. Don’t buy it if you wouldn’t pay full price for it.
2. Don’t buy anything you don’t try on first.
3. Don’t buy anything that doesn’t fit you at that moment.
4. Don’t buy anything on impulse–it’s usually all wrong.
5. Don’t buy it unless you have two things in your closet that will pair nicely with it.
6. Don’t buy it if you aren’t comfortable in it right now.
7. Don’t buy it because it’s “in,” instead buy it because it’s magical!
8. Buy local if you can.

I don't have a list of 8 rules as my fashion fast is still in its infancy. Also, for those who know me, I'm not a fan of rules. I am interested in learning and have come up with some valuable lessons that I have learned thus far.

Here is the start of Miss F's lessons learned:


1- Only buy high quality clothing. If you do buy "disposable clothing" (as I like to call it), don't do it before you go on a 6 month fashion fast. You will quickly realize that low quality clothing (eg; from Target) stretches, fades, pills easily or just plain falls apart. It's high quality for me here on out!

2- Classic pieces should take up 75% of one's wardrobe. These are what I like to call anchor pieces. Solid, strong pieces that have staying power and stand the test of time through passing trends. You'll feel and look like a million bucks (think the late Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy). Below are some of my favorite CBK outfits......actually, this feels like a good place to pause and pay our respects to a classic fashion role-model.

Month 2: Is extreme behavior ever a good thing?

I've been feeling pretty good these last few weeks. I'm trying not to analyze my good feelings, but then it wouldn't be me if I weren't analyzing something, namely myself. I'm concerned though. Am I feeling good, meaning I haven't had the strong urge to shop, because I've been extremely busy? I just spent a chock filled week of "vacation" with my boyfriend and his three daughters. We were moving non-stop from one activity/ day trip/amusement park to the next. There was NO TIME for Miss F to even think about shopping. Okay, that's a bit of an exaggeration. It did cross my mind when we were strolling through the quaint streets of Provincetown, MA. That was until the girls pulled me into one of those souvenir shops that sell tchotchke type items. For me, those types of stores are a complete waste of time. I've never been a collector of trinkets. Well maybe when I was 7 years old and had a fascination with smelly stickers and Hello Kitty. Thankfully I outgrew that craze pretty quickly. In my opinion, clothes don't collect dust like a collection of porcelain turtles similar to the ones that Nanny collects or the spoons from every state in America. That store made me run outside to the bustling streets of Provincetown and gasp for fresh air. Any faint desire I had to shop was extinguished in that store!

I ask myself, am I feeling good simply because I haven't had the time to even think about shopping or could it be by golly that I've gotten over the one month hump? Yes my dear friends, its been 5 weeks now since my fashion fast started and I've stayed sober! I haven't caved! Yippee!

Even after yesterday morning when I had every excuse to buy a pair of sandals when on my morning commute my black gladiator sandal broke. I hobbled straight to the shoe maker who is conveniently located next to my office to get them fixed. I won't lie, I did walk into a store and almost bought a cheap pair of flip flops just to stop the annoying clapping noise my broken sandal was making every time I walked. And I still believe that purchase, had I made it, would have been justified. Yes, the urge to shop is barely at an audible murmur.

I wonder though, if once this fast is over, will I be able to feel balanced and at peace with shopping? Or will I slip back into feeling that heightened rush when I'm about to make a fabulous purchase? The excited feeling I get when I imagine having brunch with friends on a crisp winter's day wearing a new pair of gray suede, lace up booties?

On my wish list

Or the thrill that comes over me when I imagine transferring the contents of my summer purse into my new, rich leather "fall bag". Oh god, I feel myself slipping even as I write this!! I read somewhere that one sign of having an addiction is any behavior that is extreme. Translation into terms I can relate to- stopping shopping forever is an extreme behavior as is over shopping. So what I am striving for, as I enter into the second month of my fast, is continuing to figure out how I will best find balance when I come back to the world of shopping. I don't have the answer right now. Just the knowledge that today I feel good." One day at a time" as they say... Thank you for sharing Miss F.

Week 2: The world is my oyster...well, sort of.

Actually, the world of shopping used to be my oyster. Lately, it seems like everything related to shopping, and I mean EVERY DAMN thing, is off limits. I sometimes forget I'm on a fashion fast and still have that rush of excitement and nervousness when I come across a clothing store. Take today for instance. I was walking past my favorite sample sale shop on 5th Ave. and saw a huge "25% off" everything in the store sign. For anyone who has ever shopped in Manhattan, there is a sample sale going on at some time during the year for every designer around. My therapist gave me some sage advice last year during the height of one of my shopping sprees. She said, "Miss F., I think it would be best if you avoided sample sales from now on." Her rationale was that we (yes, you and me!) tend to buy things that we really don't need, but because it is significantly marked down and on sale, we'll be more inclined to buy it. Plus, the frenzy that takes place at a sample sale, you know, throngs of women digging, hunting and frantically trying on things over their clothes because the line for the dressing room is an hour long, can tend to make me lose all sense of rational thought. Like the time 2 years ago, when I purchased five Diane Von Furstenburg wrap dresses from a sample sale because, hey it's DVF, it's a steal, and when will there be another sample sale of this kind? Ah, probably tomorrow!

Which takes me to where I was headed today when I strolled by my favorite store. I was in the market for a necklace for my boyfriend's daughter. I went to one of those stores that sells boatloads of costume jewelry. The kind that has knock-offs of the overpriced stuff that is sold in Bloomingdale's and the like. Again, I was overcome with a rush of emotions- excitement, anxiety and happiness. I felt like a kid in a candy store!

I happened to have been on the phone with my mother at the time who as you know, is also "supposedly" on a fashion fast. I asked her if accessories would be permissible for me to buy for myself as I felt the urge to indulge. She answered my question with a confession about herself. She told me that she had already cheated on the fast. This stopped me in my tracks. I was filled with curiosity, disdain and envy. I shot back, "you did?! what did you buy?" She offered up that she bought a pair of shoes and went on to say, that she really didn't think she could keep to the fast. She justified it with some mumble jumble about how if she just bought one item a month, she still would be limiting herself and thus on a fast. I quickly hung up the phone as I was feeling weak, and surrounded by tempting jewelry, I knew if I talked to her any longer, I might be convinced that it would be "okay" to treat myself.  So, I quickly found a gift and ran out of the store in record speed.

What this fast is making me realize, is how easily my emotional state and peace of mind has been influenced by shopping. I wish that nature and all things non-shopping could give me that feeling of euphoria and excitement and then the wave of contentedness that I get from shopping. I'm one of those people who could spend three solid hours in Loehmann's, going back and forth in and out of the dressing room, trying on clothes, seeking the perfect item(s) to round out my wardrobe. And that's what I tell myself too, that "this will be the last item and then I'm done"! Yeah right Miss F!

I did spend some quality time with my boyfriend this past weekend nowhere near a clothing store.

Delaware Water Gap

I came up with a lovely way to spend our Saturday afternoon- hiking at the Delaware water gap. It was beautiful and felt like we were in another world. We stopped at the local Italian market and picked up fresh Italian bread, provolone cheese and a bag of sweets. We hiked for 3 hours and took in breathtaking views of the water, hawks, lush green hills and ate our delicious lunch. I felt at peace, settled, content and truly like the world was my oyster. I could get used to spending my time like this. Who needs shopping anyway....yeah right!

Should there be a minimum age requirement...

to enter into a clothes store? I mean, my love of clothes started at a young age. I even think I came out of the womb wanting to wear my mother's high heels and bright colored necklaces and my sister's funky hand-me-downs...I can't imagine what it would be like if I actually had a credit card at that age! Let's ask Suri Cruise what she thinks about instituting a minimum age requirement!

 

 

Week 1: Clogs are all the rage, for everyone but me!

Clogs are the new rage this fall season. I was lying on the couch, channel surfing the other day, when I stumbled upon the E Channel (well, I really didn't stumble as the E Channel, Bravo and all things Reality TV and Pop culture are where I spend most of my tv watching time) and the reporter was sharing that clogs are back!

My first thought was "Yipee!! I'm gettin me a couple pairs of them clogs!" And then I realized, oh no missy, you have to add that to your wish list as you are on a big fat fashion fast. But doesn't that defeat the purpose of the fast? If I start creating a list of all the things I want this coming fall and winter fashion season, only to binge after my fashion cleanse comes to an end, what have I really learned about myself? That I'm a big f-ing addict!! Hello, my name is Miss F and I'm addicted to shopping.

OK, this is getting a little too heavy, let's get back to talking about clogs. It takes me back to third grade (1979) when my  mom bought me my first pair of brown, leather clogs. I wore them with everything! Why not, they practically go with everything. After my clog craze, I became a teenager and was more concerned with my clothes fitting in rather than standing out. I can remember a time when I was a freshman in high school and wore something that I felt was really funky when one of the cigarette smoking rebels, Karen Cuomo, came up to me and said, "look at you, only you would dress like that". I wanted to crumble up into a little ball. I wish I had the self esteem and ego strength back then to not let her comments get to me. So, for awhile after that I blended in and stayed below the fashion radar. But not for too long. I found conforming to be soooo boring. And so what if it put me at risk of being the brunt of Karen Cuomo's mean comments.

Which takes me to my senior year (1989) when I skipped school and dragged my friends on a 40 minute bus ride from suburban New Jersey to New York City to find the perfect prom dress. It had to be unique, different and fashionably forward. I found the dress at Saks Fifth Ave. It was more than my mother could afford. However, even though she entrusted me with her credit card and I knew she would have a fit, it was worth taking the risk in the name of fashion! So, here it is folks, my strapless prom dress, teased out Jersey hair and some cut-out black gloves to round out the picture....

Miss F and her father- 1989

From clogs to strapless gown..back to clogs...the fashion wheel goes round and round...can't wait for the high hair to come back!

Miss F

My Fashion Fast

I'm on a fast. Not a food fast, not a sugar fast, much more difficult. I'm on a fashion fast. I know, crazy right? I'm out of my mind to think I could even do this. And for the next 6 months no less! That's right, no shopping for shoes, clothes, accessories or anything of the like. 

What prompted this insanity you might ask? We can thank the Sunday New York Times Style section. I know I'm acting like I'm being forced to do this, I'm not, it's of my own volition. It all started over a cup of coffee while vacationing at the beach with my family. My mom (who has also taken the oath with me and we've given my dad our word) recommended that I read the article Shoppers on a ‘Diet’ Tame the Urge to Buy. In short, it talked about people who entered the "Great American Apparel Diet" and have chosen to abstain from clothes shopping for one year. Yes, an entire year! OMG! I mean, for real? 

OK, so once the shock wore off, I thought, well maybe I could do it. Not for an entire year of course, but definitely half of a year. The article did go on to say that by 6 months 50% of the people had "fallen off the wagon" so to speak and started shopping again. I'm no psychic, but I would bet all of my one hundred pair of shoes that I would have joined that 50% if my fashion fast went past 6 months. So on January 22, 2011 this fast will come to an end. Ultimately, I hope to gain some insights about myself, to find different ways to spend my time and money than online and in store shopping, put an end to my slightly addictive behavior to all things clothes and accessories, and ultimately feel a little healthier and lighter. Stay tuned for my thoughts, struggles and feelings in the weeks to come! And, if you're courageous enough, join me in the Fashion Fast!

Miss F