Thank you everyone for your emails and posts on whether I should continue with my fashion fast. Half of you think I should stay on the fast for a few more months and the other half say the hell with it, go out and shop! I’ve still got some time, so I’ll keep you posted on what I decide to do when the fast hits the 6 month mark on January 22nd.
It’s not easy though as this time of year has historically been a struggle for me. The holiday season usually served as a good justification to go overboard on shopping. I used it as an excuse to ramp up on my own personal shopping under the guise of “holiday shopping” for others. For years I had my “holiday shopping” technique down to a science. It went something like this- as soon as December 1st arrived I drafted a detailed list of the gifts I planned on buying for loved ones and co-workers. I promised myself that I would stick to the list, check it twice and even though I had been nice, this was not a time for me to be shopping for myself. However, as far back as my college days I always wound up overspending on “holiday gifts” for myself.
The moment I entered a store my heart would start to race and like Pavlov’s dog I’d begin to sweat and in some instances I’d even notice a heightened amount of saliva gathering in my mouth. Okay, too much information. However, within minutes my carefully crafted gift list was stuffed away in my purse and I would be in full Miss F. manic shopping mode for none other than yours truly.
Not this year folks! Not during Miss F.’s self-imposed fashion fast. This year Miss F. is in unchartered territory and happy to report she’s handling it like a pro. I’ve created a list and I have been sticking to it damn it!
In fact, I tested the waters this past Friday with my shopping partner in crime Miss S. We logged in over 3 hours of holiday shopping and not only did I not buy anything for myself, I wasn’t even tempted! I think in large part because I didn’t allow myself to even look, gaze or feel a piece of women’s clothing. I was focused and committed to being as productive and focused as possible. I commented to Miss S. at the end of the night that I was surprised at how much I got accomplished when I wasn’t factoring myself into the “gift buying” equation. In the past I normally would feel guilty, depleted and broke after my “one for you, two for me” holiday shopping spree. Not this time! Of special note, not an ounce of drool built up in my jowls during the whole experience.
I still find that I struggle in some ways though with the desire to over give. I’m not sure if it’s part of my shopping addiction or in some ways how I define love. I remember once when I was 8 years old on Christmas morning counting the number of gifts my siblings got compared to myself. I started to cry when I figured out that I got 2 less gifts than my sister. It goes without saying that this did not go over well with my father and it was pointed out that I was being ungrateful. I don’t disagree. I was so focused on the number of gifts, and who got what, that I totally lost the meaning of Christmas and that love is not defined through gifts. Something about this memory still stays with me.
There is a book called “The Five Love Languages” which talks about the 5 different ways we all give and receive love. It’s based on the fact that what we observed in our families of origin directly correlates with how we define love. And guess what; receiving gifts is one of the 5 love languages!
I recently went to the Love Languages web site and took the assessment test to find out what my primary love language is, convinced that it would be receiving gifts. The book states that of the countless ways we can show love to one another, five key categories, or five love languages, proved to be universal and comprehensive—everyone has a love language, and we all identify primarily with one of the five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.
My test results shockingly revealed that Receiving Gifts ranked lowest and Words of Affirmation ranked the highest with Quality Time and Physical Touch ranking a close second. So this blows my theory about why I like to “over give” to show my love to others. I’m aware of this aspect of myself, even if it doesn’t rank high on the Love Languages scale. I do show my love to others through gifts. Gifts are short lived though and Quality Time, Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation rank higher in the grand scheme. I need to remind myself of that when I’m back out there shopping. I don’t need to overdo it in the gift department whether it is for me or for others. That’s not what love and friendship is about. Here’s to love!
Happy Holidays!
Miss F.
